1. There is no narration: all "tell" and no "show"--no dialogue, no imagery, etc.
2. You describe an event, person, etc., but do not show the AMAZINGNESS of you!
3. The organization is ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE.-- no TRANSITIONS.
4. Gonna, Wanna.--these words don't exist.--I'm going to. I want to.
5. You say "that's why I want to be a _______" without explaining why.
6. You write about 2 topics without connecting them.
7. It is clear you did not put time or effort into your work.
8. You have no "voice"
9. Your verb tenses are all over the place--"I was" "I am"
10. There is no "hook" to grab your reader's attention, or last thought to wrap it up.
Today we will:
1. Go over the top 10 list of common errors--don't make them!
2. Look at one more sample:) and analyze for its effectiveness (see questions below)
3. Meet with me individually or hand in your outline/draft
Directions: The "RACE" strategy is not needed for these answers but you should restate the questions and use complete sentences.
- Do you feel it is a "good" college essay? Yes or no and why?
- What is the problem she encounters and how does she solve it?
- Do you feel like you learned about her personality--did it have voice?
- Was it memorable to you? why?
- Would you admit this person to your college? Why or why not?
- What suggestions would you give to this person to improve her essay?
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